PRE-MARITAL ABUSE ASSESSMENT QUESTIONS

Taken from the book, "Is It Abuse?: A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims" 

Part 1

• My partner responds humbly to the negative feedback I give them.
• My partner is open and honest about their past.
• My partner works toward implementing the changes I request of them.
• When my partner and I have a different preferences, we are able to negotiate and compromise.
• My partner encourages my relationships with my friends and family.
• My partner is open and honest with me.
• When we have a conflict, my partner expresses sorrow and remorse for hurting me.
• When we have a conflict, I feel that we resolve the issue and gain closure.
• I have the freedom to be myself around my partner.
• I feel that I can say no to things.
• When there are tasks to be done, I feel that my partner pitches in.
• I have seen my partner serve their family and friends.
• My partner is patient with me.
• When I have emotional or spiritual needs, my partner works to care for me.
• My partner takes responsibility for their mistakes.
• I feel that my partner encourages me.
• My partner demonstrates empathy for me when I am hurting.
• My partner takes the time to understand me.
• My partner prays or uses Scripture in a way that encourages me.

Part 2

• My partner blames me when things go wrong.
• My partner has had to change jobs several times, claiming that they were treated unfairly or were not appreciated at work.
• My partner speaks negatively about their previous partners.
• My partner and their friends speak disrespectfully about members of the other gender.
• My partner is overly generous and attentive, leaving me uncomfortable at times.
• My partner does most of the talking and speaks about the things that interest them.
• My partner often blames something or someone else when things go wrong.
• My partner has to have it their way.
• I often have to give in or capitulate in order to end an argument.
• I feel the need to rescue my partner.
• My partner often is short with or rude to wait staff.
• My partner makes me feel guilty when we argue.
• My partner often corrects me.
• My partner gets jealous when I spend time with other people.
• My partner does not always give me straight answers.
• My partner uses humor or sarcasm to express how they are feeling.
• My partner uses guilt to make me do things they want me to do.
• My partner criticizes my friends or family.
• My partner criticizes my appearance.
• I feel intimidated by my partner.
• I feel that I do not measure up to my partner's expectations.
• My partner is chronically late for things.
• I often feel sorry for my partner.
• My partner accuses me of doing things that I have not done.
• My partner is jealous of my other relationships.
• My partner checks my phone without my permission.
• My partner checks up on me, texts me often, or monitors what I am doing.
• My partner got serious about our relationship very quickly.
• My partner is easily insulted.
• My partner is moody.
• My partner has a temper.
• I have seen my partner drive recklessly when angry.
• My partner displays anger by throwing things.
• My partner has physically hurt themselves or me.
• My partner tells me what to do.
• My partner is possessive of me.
• My partner is insecure, and I feel the need to build them up.
• My partner uses the Bible to condemn me.
• When my partner prays for me, they highlight my faults.

Physical intimacy

• The physical boundaries I express are not honored.
• My partner goes out of their way to say they would never look at porn or cheat.  The denials feel insistent and like they don't leave room for discussion.
• I feel pressure in the physical aspects of our relationship.
• I have been an unwilling participate in a sexual act.
• My partner does not feel loved unless they receive physical affection.