Abuse & Impact on Children
The impact of domestic abuse can vary significantly from child to child - even children from the same household. Some may experience life-long trauma while others are able to grow into well-adjusted adults who live fulfilling lives. Below are a list of potential impacts on children and should serve to motivate everyone to protect children at all costs.
Short-Term/Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence on Children:
- Generalized anxiety
- Sleeplessness
- Nightmares
- Difficulty concentrating
- High activity levels
- Increased aggression
- Numbness/detachment
- Regressive bed-wetting
- Headaches/Stomachaches
- anti-social behavior
- Destructive rage
- Increased anxiety about being separated from a parent
- Intense worry about their safety or the safety of a parent
- Guilt, asking "is it my fault?"
- Physical health problems
- Behavior problems in adolescence (e.g., juvenile delinquency, alcohol, substance abuse)
- Emotional difficulties in adulthood (e.g., depression, anxiety disorders, PTSD)
- Exposure to domestic violence has also been linked to poor school performance. Children who growup with domestic violence may have impaired ability to concentrate; difficulty in completing schoolwork; and lower scores on measures of verbal, motor, and social skills.
- Children may learn that it is acceptable to exert control or relieve stress by using violence, or thatviolence is linked to expressions of intimacy and affection.
- Social withdrawal
- Depression or anxiety
- Loss of interest in school, friends, or other things they enjoyed in the past
- Suicidality
- Eating disorders
- Promiscuity; teen pregnancy
- Higher risk of repeating the cycle of violence as adults
- Spiritual damage
"In addition to these physical, behavioral, psychological, and cognitive effects, children who have been exposed to domestic violence often learn destructive lessons about the use of violence and power in relationships. These lessons can have a powerful negative effect on children in social situations and relationships throughout childhood and in later life." (Source Cited)
Any mother, living under oppression, can feel helpless, powerless, and hopeless to safeguard her children from the negative impact of abuse. However, there are things she can do to help care for her children well and hopefully provide them with as much support and healthy relationships as possible. These suggestions are taken from the book, "Is it Abuse?" by Darby Strickland.
- Work to foster a close mother-child relationship by initiating even small moments of bonding with them.
- Ask how they are feeling, what they know about the abuse, and listen to and understand them. Allow them to share positive and negative feelings about the abusive parent and share hard things, even if they means hard things about you. Also give them opportunity to ask questions and seek to be honest in age-appropriate ways with simple answers.
- Lead through intentionally shepherding and guiding your children, helping them to foster their spiritual development and relationship with Jesus.
- Emphasize the abuse is not their fault. Acknowledge it's ok if they feel angry, sad, or scared. If they feel responsible, find out why they feel guilt, and address their specific concerns.
- Cultivate calm for yourself and for your children. Seek to be non-threatening and nonviolent toward your children. Eliminate any sense of shame you might cause in your children. Look for ways to manage your own stress by implementing healthy habits. Help your children manage and correctly express their emotions by providing them with healthy ways to express their anger, fear, and other emotions. Maintain consistency and predictability, routines and structure, and seek to provide them with a quiet and calm environment (reduce clutter, dim lights, have cozy blankets).
- Unburden your children by linking them with things they love like playing sports, creating art, writing in a journal, exercising, or spending time with a pet.
- Protect your children by thinking about ways you can limit your children's exposure to arguments and abusive event. Create a safety plan and involve your children by telling them, "We're practicing what to do in an emergency." Teach them to call 911 and say, "If I get hurt, or need help, this is how you could call 911."
- Prayerfully consider wise Christians who can come alongside your child (grandparents, church friends, or a counselor) and support them. Someone whom they can confide in and process their experiences with. Support may mean someone who can offer them with a reprieve: a sleepover at their house, a trip to the movies, a fun day at the zoo.
It may feel overwhelming to think about implementing all these things listed above while living under constant stress and anxiety but pick one thing at a time that you can focus on implementing or improving.
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